Ok, so I’m less than 10 seconds in and the game has already failed, contemptibly — I can’t skip the asinine frame story cut-scenes. Holy Christ, people, your writing is terrible, your plotting is terrible, and the whole idea is sub-Mario Brothers in terms of narrative. Can’t I just get on to the running through Florence stabbing dudes in the face?

Also, terrible uncanny valley problems; bad movement animations, and I’m still in fucking Canada. People, I bought this game because it’s not a standard stupid third-person solipsistic One Lone Twenty Year Old Saves Creation, but rather because I can climb around the buildings of a neurotically reproduced sixteenth century Italy. The longer you subject me to the former before I get the latter the MORE I HATE YOU.